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Arriving at a destination is usually the goal of any road trip. Rarely do we begin a vacation or even drive across town without a reason or a destination in mind. I would suggest that for most of us, we can easily fixate on destinations, accomplishments, or final outcomes. Whether it be a career milestone, personal fitness goals, or social status, we can be easily tempted to constantly look for check-points to know how close we are to our goal. Unlike a road trip or career trajectory, our mental health is not a destination or fixed point. It is certainly not something we arrive at and never have to deal with again. Mental health is a multifaceted and dynamic component of our being. Unlike a destination-driven-goal, we must learn to embrace our journey each day. To practice embracing our mental health journey, a daily activity is helpful. Here’s what I can recommend to effectively embrace the journey of mental health. 1. List 5 positive and affirming statements regarding your mental health. For example, “I am open to healing.” “I am capable of learning.” “It is ok to be well.” Or, “I am beginning my wellness again today.” 2. Each day, pick one of your statements and post on a mirror. Then look yourself in the eye, repeating the phrase for 3 minutes. Study the words, your expression, or the sound of your voice as you say this. 3. Reflect on the impact the positive self-talk had afterward on your mood. It's ok to keep a log of this. Rate it on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being no impact and 5 being great impact. This is a safe and effective way to begin seeing our own mental wellness as a journey and to embrace that as part of life. Rather than enabling feelings of inadequacy and defeat when we are not yet at a perfect destination of mental health, let's embrace the journey as it is. Try this out and who knows, you might prove Mr. Emerson correct that the journey was indeed the destination all along.

In our ever-increasingly-paced world, progress and victories in our mental health and wellbeing is often overlooked and minimized. Yet, our journey towards mental health wellness is one of personal measure. It is a journey marked by seasons of challenge, self-discovery, and an increasing inner strength. Taking a moment to celebrate our progress and growth is not only important, but also vital to continued growth. The greatest gift we may give ourselves in the pursuit of wellbeing, is the recognition and celebration of mental health growth. Here's some guiding ideas on how to celebrate mental health growth in yourself: Reflect on Your Progress : Take a moment to reflect on how far you've come. Consider the challenges you've faced and the obstacles you've overcome. Keeping a journal can be a helpful way to track your growth and reflect on your journey. Celebrate Milestones : Similar to celebrating a career milestone or achieving a personal fitness goal, celebrate your mental health milestones! Completing a therapy session, trying a new coping strategy, or simply getting through a difficult week, each step forward is worthy of recognition and celebration! Treat yourself to something special or engage in an activity that brings you joy to mark the occasion. Share Your Story : Sharing your journey of mental health growth can be empowering both for yourself and others. Usually this can help reduce stigma around mental health and provides a genuine connection between yourself and someone you trust. However you may choose to share your story, know that your voice has the power to inspire and uplift others. Practice Self-Compassion : Be gentle with yourself and recognize that healing is a nonlinear process. There will be ups and downs along the way, and it's okay to embrace both the triumphs and the setbacks as part of your journey. If it was easy, everyone would do it! It takes brave and resilient individuals to look inward with a willingness to grow. One of my favorite running coach phrases I’ve heard along the ways is, “It never gets easier, you just get better.” Life – health - mental wellness journeys, all are challenging and difficult. If you can learn to celebrate your growth and strength, you will get better. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate every percentile of growth you experience in your mental health. You’re the only one of you and that is special. .

With the beauty of spring flowers and new growth naturally occurring all around us, I thought I would share some insights on what is required for growth to occur inside of us! Like plants, we require certain things to grow as a person and to improve mental health. Unlike plants, we have certain powers and abilities to select, change, or seek out the conditions for growth. If you’ve been feeling stuck for a while in your mental wellness journey, read on for some helpful tips. Let’s start with the environment. For any plant to grow, it is partially reliant upon the conditions of the environment. Air and soil temps, moisture and humidity, the amount of direct and indirect sunlight, and even the presence of herbivores in the area all influence what growth will and won’t occur. In us humans, it is good to evaluate: Are we in a growth inducing environment? Do those around me desire good for me? Will other’s pour into my life if needed? Seeking environment that meets your needs can be a critical step in growth. Second, plants require energy from the sun to grow. The miraculous process of photosynthesis allows plans to draw energy from sunlight and convert that into food and resources. It would be nice if we possessed the photosynthesis process as we could all have lunch breaks on sunny days outside and fill up! We do however have the need of energy to grow. Energy can come from many places and interactions. I encourage people to take notice of anytime an activity or interaction leaves them feeling positively energized, rather than drained. Too often, we give and use energy on things that only absorb it from us. If you want to enhance your growth, seek out intentional activities that return your energy. Thirdly, nutrients from soil are required in nearly all plant life. Nutrients are the building blocks of life on earth. Humans are no exception. We need the resources and knowledge on how to handle the many varieties of life stressors thrown our way. What you take into your mind matters. Reading books, listening to podcasts, or talking with a trusted advisor or counselor can be critical nutrients to growth! Finally, water. In plants, water is very often the exact trigger for seed germination and growth. Water is the chemical you and I can’t live without and also can’t have too much of. Water in our life means balance and consistency. When we overindulge in anything, including water, there are risks. One way to initiate growth in our mental health is to find ways to balance in the thoughts or habits that are consuming you. Sometimes talking with a counselor is a great resource for gaining insights on what is delaying growth you seek!

At the time of posting this, it is the first day of April and here in middle Tennessee spring has fully begun! We have mild winters compared to many places in the world, but by the time spring finally rolls in, you’d think we middle Tennesseans had just escaped the arctic tundra! We welcome the budding trees and new-growth grasses. We endure the waves of pollen collecting on every imaginable surface everywhere. We recite at least once in the month of April the old proverb, “April showers bring May flowers.” I like to imagine we do this to instill the hope that our long suffering through tornado season and seasonal allergies will be rewarded with brighter days and beautiful flowers. There’s certainly nothing wrong with hope. I recommend it. The key is, in what or whom we place our hope. Hope in a brighter future is just one antidote for worry about it. Unfortunately, I think we all occasionally fall prey to the mounting pressures brought on by changes in our environment. The hope for May flowers can fail to comfort you when the showers of April coming your way include severe thunderstorms, tornados, or hail. These external stressors can certainly shake our internal peace or rob us of our mental health. A major factor that influences how much stress impacts us and our behavior is the location of what we perceive controls our life. This perception of the location of what controls our life events is called Locus of Control and was termed by Julian Rotters in 1954. He suggested that what we perceive as the underlying main cause(s) of the events in our lives determines a lot about how we respond to stress and challenges both now and in the future. He categorized two main location types: Internal and external. Here's a very basic summary of his brilliant model: to the extent you believe the location of control for your life lies within you (ex: your actions, attitudes, or decisions), or in external forces (Ex: fate, luck, or God), can have a major impact on your life. Everything from how you cope with stress, to deal with set-backs, or even decision making about your own future. It is important to note, most people fall somewhere between these two extremes. Externalizers is the term for those who feel like the cause or reason for their problem/discomfort/stress is outside of themself, originating from another person or situation. Internalizers believe they are responsible for they current situation and everything that happens is a consequence of their choices. As you can imagine, neither of these extremes is desirable. Here's an example: Event: An email arrives detailing an increased work load without increase in pay. Externalizer: "This isn't fair! I'm already stressed out and can barely keep up. They just want to drain every ounce of energy I have. Another nail in my coffin!" Internalizer: "Wow, I must be doing a great job! If I keep this up, they are going to promote me for sure. I've just got to keep it up. I can do it." Now if you read that and thought, "If only I was able to have that internalizer's attitude!" Let me warn you: for those that carry the responsibility of good and bad on their shoulders, failure becomes personal. A healthy balance of the two is suggested. No matter where you land on this spectrum of Locus of Control, let me give a helpful tip to encourage you to move more towards the middle. It is a simple phrase, credited to Viktor Frankl, "God determines what we go through. We determine how." You and I are certainly not in control of everything that happens to us in life. No one is able to be good enough all the time to prevent tough situations from happening. We must relinquish our impulse to demand control of it all, while also picking up the responsibility to navigate it. When you are facing unforeseen circumstances, remember this quote. Finding balance in who controls what in your life can be freeing.

As discussed in my previous blog post, comfort can be problematic when we use it to resist life’s demand for us to be uncomfortable. Comfort can be a form of avoidance. One of the best things you can do for your mental health is to begin to challenge yourself in ways that initiate growth. While it is perfectly healthy and good to seek rest, recovery, and safety, it is also important to know when it is time to embrace the uncomfortable and grow through it. There are many ways to do this, but here are some steps that can help you on your healing journey! Challenging Yourself for Growth 1. On a piece of paper, list the challenges that are present in your life now that are contributing to your discomfort, stress, or frustrations. 2. Describe why each of those circumstances listed leads to discomfort. 3. List the ways in which you would need to grow to be able to handle each of these challenges better in the future. Call this list the, “Need to Grow” list. 4. Of the “Need to Grow” list, which one would make the biggest difference if accomplished? - Pick that one and begin to plan how to engage it every day for improvement or growth. It is at this step many people draw a blank or feel stuck and incapable to change. I find that any measurable action we take towards growth will lead us into more avenues for improving. For instance, you may have read through this and completed the first 3 steps. Then at step 4 you might be thinking, “This guy doesn’t get it. I’ve tried everything. Nothing makes this easier for me.” That is when I would suggest seeking help from a friend or counselor for the area you need help with! By reading this blog, giving it a fair chance, and being honest with yourself, you’ve arrived at a new avenue for improving: seek help to heal and grow. This helps because we are no longer passively coping with the uncomfortable thing in our life but becoming an active participant in change for the good. It's normal to feel uncomfortable about this. Keep challenging yourself for growth. You'll find that the more you do this, the stronger you become and better able to handle hard things.

Technically comfort is not dangerous in-and-of itself. There are certainly periods of rest and comfort we should seek out and recover in. The challenge is: life is not always comfortable. It wasn’t designed to be. Life can be, and often is, hard and challenging. Mental health wellness can be defined by one’s ability to adapt and adjust to the demands of reality (Cloud and Townsend, 2007). The answer is that comfort becomes dangerous when we resist reality’s demand for us to be uncomfortable. Here are some ideas for you on how to embrace discomfort and adjust to the demands of life. Embracing discomfort is not a natural thing for us. Naturally, our physical being seeks comfort and safety. Abraham Maslow suggested as early as 1943, a Hierarchy of Needs. At the very foundation is physiological needs (safety, food, shelter, water, clothing, and sleep). These keep us alive physically. We absolutely need them. However, every single one of them is hard and uncomfortable to procure of our own abilities. I’m personally thankful for every modern convenance that allows us to meet these basic needs in ease! Everything above this foundational “physiological needs” level involves the social and mental comforts. The confusion is that while we “need” these things like safety and security or love and belonging, often the path to obtaining them is difficult. Learning to embrace discomfort can be a huge step towards meeting our needs in very heathy ways. Want to make more friends and have a close-knit support group? Embrace the discomfort of attending a small group for the first time and being vulnerable. Want to have a tidy home and organized schedule? Embrace the pain of doing housework and writing out a calendar. Desire to have a truly peaceful rest in evenings where you can relax and enjoy life? Grind through the difficulties of the day so that the evening time is peaceful. Want to get help with your mental health? Click that “contact me now” button on the counselor’s website you’ve been eyeing for weeks. Each of us must embrace the discomfort required to achieve the goal or needs we seek. As soon as we wish for life to be comforting, we no longer are comfortable. When we learn to embrace the uncomfortable, we are comforted as a result. Life demands of us. Adjusting is key. If you’ve ever had one of “those weeks” you can relate to what I’m about to say: Some weeks are just harder on us than others. Some weeks, you are crushing life and accomplishing everything. Then other weeks, life is crushing and nothing you do seems to go right. If you’ve been through this (or are in one of "those weeks" right now), then let me encourage you. It is in your best interest to acknowledge this and make adjustments. That adjustment will mean different things depending on your personality. For some, a busy week will mean dialing back off of certain extras. For others, a busy week will mean leaning in and working harder to get everything done. One way you can know how to adjust to life is to ask, “At the end of the day, what decision will I be proud of myself for making?” Remember, being uncomfortable is not a problem, but resisting reality usually is. Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. S. (2007). Boundaries. Zondervan.com

Beginning new things can often be daunting. But leaving behind old ways of living and replacing them with new health-conscious ways, can be downright overwhelming and discouraging! Don’t believe me? Try celebrating nearly any of our national holidays, your birthday, or a friend’s recent promotion, without consuming highly processed sugars or carbonated beverages. You’ll find that for many parts of our daily life, healthy choices have been routinely swept away. The challenge then becomes for each of us, to routinely reintroduce healthy habits. Below are 3 ideas on introducing change. Simplify – Beginning a lifestyle change towards health doesn’t need to be complicated. I often remind my kids, ‘Little habits build big changes.’ The reason I encourage them in this is, I’ve found it to be true! Trying to change everything about your daily routine, all at once, usually leads to a crash.  Here’s what I recommend for initial change: a. Identify 1 or 2 daily behaviors you’d like to improve. (Ex. Drink daily recommended amount of water). b. Write them down clearly and specifically. (Ex. Calculate: You weight x .5 = Oz per day) c. Plan your day, week, and events to include this change. (Ex. Use a refillable water bottle that requires a set number of refills to hit that goals that you carry everywhere) 2. Schedule – One of the more challenging obstacles to change is simply integrating the new into your daily life! One thing that can help with this is to simply get a calendar going and plan our a week or month at a time. There are many ways to do this, but my favorite is to schedule it into my personal phone or exercise app so that reminders are automatically sent to me daily. My wife prefers to have a monthly calendar running for the whole family and it works really well for our kids to keep track of upcoming events too. When it comes to creating change, “it’s about what works, not what is perfect.” 3. Support – Perhaps the most overlooked resource of creating healthy change in our lives is: other’s support. I believe this resource is invaluable and perhaps one of the best things we can do for our own sense of worth. When we ask another to challenge us, encourage us, and include us, we inherently assign value to both them and you. It takes a healthy relationship with self to ask another for support. So, while it might be hard to begin, I highly encourage asking a friend to support your change effort! = Remember, with all intentional changes we make, it is about the long-term benefit rather than the short-term feelings. Include in your planning, a period (maybe 45 days minimum) of uncertainty and internal resistance. You might very well not like change. Your body may resist it. Your mood may be altered. You may wish you had not started doing this new healthy habit. These are all normal and a part of change. James Clear says in Atomic Habits, "In the early and middle stages of any quest, there’s often a valley of disappointment." Be prepared and know there is another side of the valley where you’ll thank yourself for investing in your own health.

Have you ever stopped to consider what you, personally, feel like when healthy? I’m not simply asking about a momentary feeling of elation or excitement, but rather the enduring and consistent sense of healthiness and wellbeing. This brief blog will provide you with a tool to evaluate and make improvements to your own sense of healthiness! As we begin, let’s recognize that healthiness looks different on everyone, and that' s ok. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines the word health as, “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being.” That can create an almost unattainable standard! Let’s learn how you can feel healthy and know you’re doing it well. Recently I completed one of my long training runs. These usually last longer than 1.5 hours and distances vary based upon pace. The aftermath of this exercise typically brings on a confusing combination of exhilaration and exhaustion. My body tends to know immediately just how demanding that was and complains (often telling me to never do that again). Yet, I do it over and over regardless of what my body tells me. Week after week and mile after mile, I run. My mind tends to push towards the reward of the run and the benefits these bring, while my body tends to remind me of the work required. It is rarer that these two parts align within me. If I only went on a run when I felt like it or felt good enough, I would rarely (if ever) run. I have been tracking my own “pre-run-feel” and “post-run-feel” for several months now via my own made-up Likert style rating scale. Upon reviewing the stats, here are my observable trends: I most often do not ‘feel’ like running prior to the run or feel content not to do the run. I consistently feel better upon the completion of a run. Usually this is at least a 2 point gain each time. My sense of well-being tends to go up as I run consistently over a week. For example, the more I do the hard work of running, my “pre-run-feel” is consistently higher. What do we learn from this? Honestly, nothing reliable due to the fact I am a research participant of 1 and this is not particularly a scientifically sound approach. Yet, perhaps I’m not so different from most people so we can extrapolate a useful tool from this. Here is a formula I came up with to evaluate how we ‘feel’ healthy: Relationship to self + Consistent effort + Giving grace = Sense of Healthy

Holidays can be magical and full of joy. Many of us have fond memories of waking to mornings full of joy and exciting Christmas mornings, loving family events, or even ‘get togethers’ with friends around the holidays. The holidays can also be a difficult time of grief, sorrow, and resentment. No matter what life has presented to you, retain your ability to choose how you go through the Holidays. Here’s some helpful techniques to strengthen your joy. 1. Bring joy to others. With willful intent, begin to focus on how you might brighten someone else’s day. A lot of our own internal suffering can be alleviated by focusing on another’s well-being and enjoyment. Find ways to give, show kindness, send a caring note, call a friend to say hi, send a quick text, or visit someone you’ve not seen in a while. Little does more to improve our joy than to bring it to another. 2. Good care of self. Exercise, eating well, and sleep habits are seriously cheat codes for how you will feel each day. We all perhaps know this but need to be reminded that in times of known stress, give yourself the best start possible. Drink plenty of water, avoid sugars, and practice a bedtime routine throughout the holidays. 3. Practice peace. When you are faced with a situation or memory that would steal your joy, practice guarding your thoughts, your expression to others, and involvement with those things. A very smart man once said, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV) It takes practice to bring peace by turning over our right to retaliate. 4. Give space to grieve. The need to grieve during the holiday would appear contradictory to joy. I will advocate that giving yourself (and others) permission and space to grieve can flourish joy. Grief is our natural reactions to real and perceived loss. We need grief as much as we want joy. When grief is expressed, joy then has room to show up. Giving yourself permission to make these a priority during the holidays can free you to enjoy the season where sorrow has robbed you in the past. I pray you will find joy in this holiday season and that a blessed year will follow.